adrian chiles

Might get a plane to 

Lesser antilles 

Might spit in the face 

Of Adrian Chiles

Fat One Show muppet

I'm sure he’s from brum

I’ll run up on The One Show

Concealing a gun

I’d shout

“Adrian, you cunt, get down on your knees!

Christine Blakely, you look lovely

Can you kindly leave please?”

I’d ask Adrian questions

Like why’s he’s so smug

Then smash an ashtray off the side of his mug

The producers would stand

And give me a round of applause

And thank me for acting on this oso noble cause

Found out he hasn’t been on The One Show

For about ten years

I’d still drag out of Costa

By his big fucking ears

Screaming in his face

“Why aren’t you on tele anymore?!?!”

Dragging him across the coffee shop floor

He’d say

“I do a bit of radio on BBC 2”

I’d say

“Listen here Adrian, ya gunna get slewed”

He’s alright Adrian

If I’m totally honest

But if I could drive

He’d be straight on me bonnet